Beginning in the summer of 1977, I started abusing drugs and alcohol. This took me to some very dark places in my life. I became a thug. A hellion. A criminal, with no respect for my parents, for authority, for my neighbor, or for my God. I was now the “god of my own universe.” My rules, my way. My struggle with addiction covered four decades of my life. Using people. Drinking. Using drugs. Lying, cheating, stealing. Doing whatever the #$&* it took to get what I wanted. I was sentenced to 3 years in state prison for committing several felonies while drunk and high. I relapsed numerous times over the years, and unfortunately received misdemeanor theft charges on two separate occasions connected with an opiate addiction. I have not had a drop of alcohol since 2008, and I have not used opiates or illicit drugs since June 8, 2019.
Returning to the church of my youth where I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior at age thirteen, I pursued a new relationship with Jesus. Several leaders at church circled the wagons and loved me until I could love myself. Over the past five years I completed my B.S. in Psychology and earned an M.A. in Theology at Colorado Christian University. God indeed works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (see Rom. 8:28). A man told me several years ago, “God wants you to know that everything you’ve been through in life, from the moment you were born to this moment here with me, has been ordained by Him to mold you into the man he needs you to be.” God has called me to the ministry of counseling and discipling men struggling with active addiction and mental illness through integration of psychology and Christian theology.
Writing has always been one of my passions—something I’ve been doing for a long time. It is amazing what can happen if we settle down and get in touch with the gifts and talents God has given us, whatever they may be. Now that I write on a regular basis, a whole universe of emotions and nuances has opened up to me. I struggled most of my life with self-esteem and self-worth, especially regarding my writing abilities, so this is has been uncharted territory. (I used to throw a lot of what I wrote into the trash can.) I realize today that I was drowning in a sea of perpetual darkness; getting clean had to happen before I could begin to form coherent sentences, well-planned paragraphs, and believable prose. My gifts and talents were buried beneath self-doubt, laziness, lack of ambition, and the morass of booze and drugs. More than having a “writing” problem, I had a “telling” problem. Fear kept me from putting things on paper.
I am so glad you’ve decided to stop and spend some time here. Please continue to come back, and share the link to this blog with others. You may not agree with everything I write; you might not even believe in the Christian God, or in any god, but I can only hope you are inspired to contemplate and consider. I hope I spark conversation, so I encourage feedback. Conversation about religion, sin, faith, and Jesus Christ are rather daunting at times in today’s post-Christian culture, but we can learn together how to best serve a God who loves us enough to become flesh and dwell among us, and to be crucified in our place for our sins. Believing is His atoning death and resurrection sets us free from bondage. Lastly, if you (or someone you know) are struggling in any way with addiction or mental illness, I pray you reach out. Get help. There is no shame in being afflicted. There is, however, missed opportunity if we do not ask for help.
In Christ,
Steven Barto
The Accidental Apologist 
Keep doing what you do, I hope many people who are on the same path as you were find in you and your writing the strength to rise above all the troubles they are confront to.
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Christa, thanks so much for your kind comment.
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Christa,
I am very appreciative of your initial comment concerning my blog. In the interest of keeping things above board, I welcome you to revisit my “About: My Testimony” page for latest developments. I do not wish to mislead anyone who frequents my blog. I have failed several times since 2008 by stealing oxycodone from my mother. (We have been estranged for over two months as a result, and ask for your prayers to repair the damage I’ve done.) I have been brought to my knees by this insidious disease, and I refuse to let the devil ruin my life. I remain committed to abstinence, and am still pursuing my undergraduate degree in psychology at Colorado Christian University with plans to become an addictions counselor. I would also welcome your comments on my latest blog post titled “The Secret of Self-Control.” I have found nothing more effective than trusting Jesus Christ as my Higher Power.
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Thank you very much for your kind comment.
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YOU ARE AWESOME !!!!
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i am very glad to have stopped at your blog. You are so intense and so am i and I just think your poetry is great!!!
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Hi,
I am so appreciative of your initial comment concerning my blog. I welcome you to revisit my “About: My Testimony” page for latest developments. I do not wish to mislead anyone who frequents my blog. I have failed several times since 2008 by stealing oxycodone from my mother. (We have been estranged for over two months as a result, and ask for your prayers to repair the damage I’ve done.) I have been brought to my knees by this insidious disease, and I refuse to let the devil ruin my life. I remain committed to abstinence, and am still pursuing my undergraduate degree in psychology at Colorado Christian University with plans to become an addictions counselor. I would also welcome your comments on my latest blog post titled “The Secret of Self-Control.” I have found nothing more effective than trusting Jesus Christ as my Higher Power.
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God will take us just as we are friend. You are proof of that. He can, however change us.
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Wally,
I welcome you to revisit my “About: My Testimony” page for latest developments. I do not wish to mislead anyone who frequents my blog. I have failed several times since 2008 by stealing oxycodone from my mother. (We have been estranged for over two months as a result, and ask for your prayers to repair the damage I’ve done.) I have been brought to my knees by this insidious disease, and I refuse to let the devil ruin my life. I remain committed to abstinence, and am still pursuing my undergraduate degree in psychology at Colorado Christian University with plans to become an addictions counselor. I would also welcome your comments on my latest blog post titled “The Secret of Self-Control.” I have found nothing more effective than trusting Jesus Christ as my Higher Power.
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I will check that out, Steve, thanks
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Nice to meet you here. Your story is inspirational
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Your story is very inspiring. I’m glad I happened to stop by this page.
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Theya,
I welcome you to revisit my “About: My Testimony” page for latest developments. I do not wish to mislead anyone who frequents my blog. I have failed several times since 2008 by stealing oxycodone from my mother. I have been brought to my knees by this insidious disease, and I refuse to let the devil ruin my life. I remain committed to abstinence, and am currently completing my undergraduate degree in psychology with plans to become an addictions counselor. I would also welcome your comments on my latest blog post titled “The Secret of Self-Control.” I have found nothing more effective than trusting Jesus Christ as my Higher Power.
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Hello!
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Thanks for reading about me. I generally blog every day, so feel free to return often.
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